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How Parents’ Behavior Influences ChildrenIf someone asked us about the one important thing we inherited from our parents, we’d surely reply that it is a behavior pattern we have observed frequently. It had a positive and negative impact on us in our childhood, and we will likely find ourselves acting in a very similar way when we’re adults. When a child is born, they see everything through the eyes of their parents. By looking at their father and mother, they conclude how the world around them works and who it is. All children are born with a temperament that will influence their character and which their parents cannot change, no matter how hard they try. However, they can still do a lot in terms of the relationship they establish with their children. The bond that will develop between them and their kids will help them oversee the emotional development of their child. Parents will always influence their children by keeping in mind the values, beliefs, rules, or conflicts they have had in their lives. All those will impact the expectations they’ll have for their children many times before they’re even born. If we talk to any expectant mother about this, we will find out that they already have some idea about what their baby will be like. And once the child is born, all those expectations increase exponentially. As soon as the baby arrives, they become the focus of attention of the entire family. By interacting with parents and observing their emotional state, they develop a character of their own. Their temperament and behavior (at later stages) are directly influenced by the way the parents perceive it. What do parents convey to their children without words?Long before the child can talk and understand spoken language, they will have received millions of impressions about themselves and the world around. Parents convey many things to their children by using body movements, tone of voice, gestures, looks, and facial expressions. This way, they can communicate with their child about what they like, what is important to them, as well as what fears and concerns they have. Let's consider the following example: since Lucas was born, he has seen his father reading every night. His dad puts him to bed and reads a bedtime story. His father never told Lucas about how important reading is, but Lucas can tell how much he enjoys it by looking at the expression on the dad's face. Thus, it is likely that Lucas will grow up feeling that those pages full of letters are interesting. What messages can parents convey by talking to their children?Language can be a powerful tool which can help us communicate with the child about what we think and how we feel. It can also help to identify the emotions and understand better what is happening at any given moment. If when getting angry, we express what happens to us instead of throwing things or screaming, we will be showing our child a behavior pattern that they will repeat in the future. You also have to be careful with criticizing your children. We spend a better part of the day talking, and what we say and how we do it is very important for kids. Sometimes, it’s a good idea to ask ourselves whether what we are going to say really reflects what we feel. Let's consider the following example: Maria has trouble keeping up with her classwork and, therefore, skips classes frequently. Every day, her mother says to her, "You are a disaster! You will never be able to do anything with your life!" If Maria listens to that, and she will likely end up feeling stressed out and depressed. How do all those aspects influence your children?During the formative years of a child’s life, they perceive the parents as the most important people. As the kid grows up, the individuals they interact with (e.g., family members, teachers, and friends) will also be important for their forming self-image. When a child is small, one of their greatest wishes is to look like dad or mom. They are the first people with whom the kid identifies themselves, so the parents need to provide children with information that will later help to learn how to react to things happening around. That will also influence the subsequent relationships with other people that children come into contact with in their adult life. Some Helpful Tips for ParentsSometimes, our children fail to live as we expect because of their age, tastes, or personality. Do we always do as we say? That may seem easy in theory, but many times we want our children to do something we don't do ourselves. How many times do we find ourselves saying "Stop shouting!" while minutes before we did the exact same thing? Are we always honest about the way we feel? Sometimes, we areupset or angry, and if our child asks us what the matter is, we say that everything is OK. And that is when a contradiction arises: on the one hand, your child sees the expression on our face or the gestures you make, but on the other, they hear you say things that contrast with all those facial expressions and body language. It can be highly confusing and misleading. By being honest about our feelings and not overcriticizing our children, we help them become more self-confident in the future. Parents are role models to their children looking at while learning how to behave in different situations. Therefore, it’s sometimes a good idea to stop and reflect on how we express our emotions:
We should also ask ourselves whether there’s something we would like to change about ourselves. Changing certain things is not easy, but if we know ourselves well, it will be easier for us to understand our children better.
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